Just say No to Drugs

Three times this year I've been hospitalized because of this damn crohns. Before this it was only the once, when I was diagnosed with it at age 14. I don't know why this year's been so bad but it seems to be my time to get the stupid thing angry. Oh well ... year is almost over I guess.

So I spent all of my days off in the Crazy Town hospital, the staff was wonderful, the neighbors were ... crazy and the drugs even crazier. Let's start with Drug 1 Emla. LOVES it! I have a phobia of needles and this little patch makes it so I don't feel a thing. So I put it on my hand and that's where my IV goes. Cool. Then they take blood out of my arm, don't remember that. I just remember starting the whole thing sitting upright then being flat on the bed, warm wet rag on my head and few more staff beside me. They told me what happened but I don't remember what they said. They gave a few minutes of just sitting there then the second drug morphine, argh it's a love hate relationship. It has this ability to burn the back of my head and neck, swelling my throat and making me incredibly stiff. If I was a guy that could be a major embarrassment. Finally after that passes, the pain from my crohns starts to fade away. Drugs 3, liquid gravol, never knew there was such a thing. Well that stings going in the iv and makes me sleepy. They probably did it to make me easier to handle. Nausea went around there, just remembered sitting there not caring about squat, being so pissed at the world.

At this point I had gone 2 nights no sleep, it's amazing what happens to your body when it doesn't get the sleep it's used to. Had a bunch of tests, few more drugs, one that makes you feel like you've pissed yourself, lovely. That was my CT scan, ie. big ole doughnut thing. Confirmed. Partial obstruction again. Go Kat go! All day I am slipping somewhere between fully alert and ok to deal with to semi-asleep. My nurse was really nice though, she kept checking on me and seemed to know when my morphine wore off and was ready with more. So even though they knew what was wrong me with I didn't get any medicine for it until much later that night.

At this point I've spent all day, since 1:30 am when I came in to 21:00 that night in the ER room, in our little stalls separated by sheets. There is this one man who kept yelling for his mother (he was at least eighty), a woman who balled, and a man who kept asking about his 'horn' and how his catheter was. No wonder they liked me, I just sat there and did what they asked. I know better then to piss of the people with the drugs.

So surgery was opted out again, thank you wasn't going to do it, so they chose steroids, yey more drugs, number 6. Got some liquid stuff of that, yey. Then I got more morphine and more gravol, oh god. They then got a room for me upstairs, sweet cause you can't sleep in the ER at all and that would have been another night without it. The porter (person who transports you place to place in the hospital) asked if I wanted to walk to the room, go into a wheel chair or stay in the bed. I said I can walk. Get up and then the nice old paramedic who had been minding his own business a few steps away, caught me and helped me in the chair. I hoped I thanked him, not my most charming moment. It sucks when your mind says you can do something and your body backs out on the deal. So I was ported by wheelchair.

I barely remember getting to my room, I just remember waking up the next day really. Felt a bit better, hell a lot better. I could smell things now. I smelled pretty bad. I needed a shower. Bad. Felt even worse for that paramedic. Got showered, got some liquids and by the end of the day I was allowed to eat 'regular' food and if I passed I was allowed to go home the next day. Sweet. They also had me take pilled steroids, Drug 8. No I did not skip Drug 7. Drug 7 was one I could not pronounce in my iv bag I noticed the morning after. Don't know what it was, or what it did. They either did it while I was asleep or as I was nodding at things.

That night was hard to go to sleep, my neighbor, sweet old lady, 91 but she snores like dynamite. It was like standing in the shower all night and listening to someone open and close the curtains, that shrill, metal on metal kind of sound. A nurse asked if I wanted a sleeping pill as sleep was apparently crucial to my recovery. Why not. It's not like I don't do drugs as of lately. Mystery drug 9. Oh 9, how I hated you. It was this little white pill that went under your tongue, it then dissolved. Alright. Go to sleep and have terrible nightmares all night long. Not only that there are points where I know I'm awake and feel things bumping into me. When I open my eyes I see silhouettes of people run beside me and into the wall. Hallucinations. Great. I remember lying awake, watching the horizon, praying for the light to come, so these shadows would stop terrorizing me. Every time I closed my eyes, they would bump me, for hours. If I did manage to drift off I would have a nightmare. So yes, I spent many hours waiting for that sunrise. The morning nurse, said I looked tired. Tired. I was beyond tired. Tired of drugs!

I ate my breakfast very quietly, the nurses were worried. I could tell though they didn't say anything. Normally when I'm in there, even when I’m sick and in pain, I make jokes. It's a means of survival for me. No jokes, no nothing, I didn't even make eye contact with them. How could I tell them I was afraid of the silhouettes that had haunted me for hours, without them thinking I was crazy. I couldn't. So I didn't.

Another doc came in, she said since I was eating all right I'd be able to take the pilled steroids home, gave me a prescriptions for a few days and then 4 to take today. I was cool with anything, I just wanted to get out of there. A nurse took out my Iv and well I bled for a good five minutes, three gauze pads, 2 alcohol wipes and 1 Band-Aid.

I am now home, having had another shower, had to get the hospital smell off of me. In a nice warm, fuzzy housecoat, bowl of hot soup and lots of crackers. Life is good. I'll get those drugs tomorrow, I don't need them until then. For now I am done with drugs, just say no Kids. Just say no to drugs.