Training day blues

Training has been a bit rough, when I say rough, I mean I've never actually felt like crying before because I was so bored. I really didn't need someone to tell me how to find a screen on the computer that I have minimized or how to enter in an address. Seriously? If I didn't know how to do half of the things they were showing us, I'd be fired. It was all refresher but really? It was punishment. I don't know what I did yet but damn it must have been something awful.

3 out of the 5 in the class were from Hub Town so we took them on a tour for our centre. Out of everything they liked the fact that we each had a ceiling light that we controlled, so if we wanted it off, it would be off or on the brightest possible. Our Operations Manager was in there today and was in a good mood, which means 100% sarcasm can be expected. This wasn't my squad today, mine work tonight, just where I had to take the training during the day it was a bit funky. One of the Hub Town people's asked why there was an officer inside and I simply replied. "He lives here. We fed him once and now he won't leave." She gave the impression like she believed me, just nodding her head. So I added. 'I'm just glad he's housebroken. That and he keeps the crazies away." Now she just shook her head and pointed her finger at me.

The OM decided he wanted to play too, he added that officers weren't normally allowed on the floor. Again the HubTown girl seemed to believe him, he can act so serious and realistic when he's bullshitting you. Sometimes you really don't know when he's joking or not. Of course the girl asks why. The OM said with a straight face. "Because, they keep stealing our women when we let them in." Which ... I dunno ... we only have 3 .. 5 or so that are married to cops. Well I can only think of 5 married to our boys and four are married to fire fighters. The other girl from Crazytown with me couldn't argue, her husband was the Sergeant!

Of course we had 'lovely' training devices. They played an audio file of a call taker using the language line and how it worked. It was only a reenactment but you had a woman underneath the bed whispering and the call taker keeps asking her louder and louder 'MAME CALM DOWN!' Was kinda of funny. Highlight of training.

The other girl from Crazytown who was with me, we do not get along but we try to act civilly. I brought my own lunch from home both days just because I don't really trust catered or new food all that much. It's just not worth having a reaction over, possible hospitalization, steroids, surgery and 6 weeks off work. Not for melon. However she kept at me both days to just have a little of the food. Uh ... no? Melon or possible hospital? She didn't get it though. Yeah the melon probably wouldn't have hurt me but right now I'm not willing to risk new foods.

Had lovely weather for walking home. Rain, then hail then a big gust o' wind. So far the day wasn't exactly great so I had to perk it up a bit. Chinese. :) Chow mein, something I have had for many many years as an 'ahhhh' food.

Wrapped up in a blanket, writing my book and having some Fresca. Cat is on my feet, got some tunes and a pillow calling my name. Life does not get much better.

Goodbye and Goodluck

I had a lot of fun doing the dinner party up and I looked forward to seeing everyone. I spent the morning cleaning and the afternoon cooking. The beef wellington came out perfect, which was great cause the slab of meat cost about 36$. Very nice and tasty cut though. Made some chicken soup to start, where the carrot was a no go, too ... yucky (tried it the week before). Then had a salad and then the main course. People were stuffed, which was a good sign, ushered them into the living room, had the fire place (fake) going and some candles on. Settled them in and got them some coffee and desserts. Banana bread and pumpkin roll was a hit, didn't have time to make the dumplings. It was very good but like how I found most things in life are ... it doesn't last. I thought I had escaped it this time, I had hugged my dad goodbye, both my brothers and then it was just me and my mom and her boyfriend (he's sweet). We chatted for a little bit but I knew something was up. She had bought me a little wolverine lunch box for my kid bin. I've got this huge tupperwear bin thing that I house little things I want to give to my kids, whenever I have them. Like jean lookin kinda diapers, how cool is that? They might not have them when I have my kids. Anyways, I thought it was cool, cause wolverine is my thing, I collect a lot of the stuff, but that wasn't it. She hadn't let me touch it most of the night and I figured that was her playing keep away, like she likes to do.

When she held onto it this time, there was something in her eyes. She touched Bill, (her boyfriend)she touched his leg and then looked at me. She was crying and still holding the lunchbox. Now I'm worried. If the strongest woman I know is crying ... that's enough to make me cry right there. I simply said to her. "Tell me."

She said that I had asked her to tell me when I was home. And then I knew. My dog was gone. I had a shepherd mix growing up, called Sheba. She was my dog. She was the most awesome dog ever. Never really liked anyone out the family that much but she was so sweet to us.

Growing up we were told we would never get another dog. We had one before but I don't remember that well, I was too little. My BroBro and me always went into the pet store in the mall because we liked to look at the animals. This day they had the shepherd/Keeshond/lab puppies. They looked like straight up sheherds with curly tails, we loved them. We loved them sooo much. Mom went looking to find us but always knew where we were. She looked to me, to my BroBro and then the dogs and said No Way. She herded us out of the store and we eventually went home. All the way home we talked about the dog, how we wanted one, how cute they were and the millions promises to take care of it. My father was away for a few months during this time, he came home a bit but worked most of it. There had been a serious multi agency disaster that he had to be on site for. She called him because we kept at her long enough. His words. "No. Don't you ..." Which lead to "....fine." We drove all the way back to the mall which is in another city and went right back to the pet shop. Our hands on the glass windows we looked over each of the little bundles, knowing one would be ours. I had been 11 at the time and my brother was 13, but we acted like 5 year olds giggling and laughing, the dogs had their paws up on the glass looking right back at us. They all were running around, like they knew it too. All except for one. One was curled up in the corner and had her back to everyone. She didn't want to play with them and didn't want to see us.

The store clerk told us that the puppies had been abandoned and all of them had been rescued during a storm. We determined that one was bitter about it, probably didn't trust people and wouldn't come to see us. It was the first time I heard this quote, it was something along the lines of "Those who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it most". That dog needed us. It needed to be loved. We wanted her. The clerk asked us if we were sure and said she'd bring it out just in case. She brought it out and the dog didn't look at us. She looked away and was shaking. I held her, this little fur ball that shook like she was crumbling. We spoke softly to her, and patted her. This was the dog for us. She wouldn't walk on the leash, well ...she wouldn't walk at all. We were advised to give her a choke chain for her as she'd be a big dog. We did and it has ALWAYS been very loose on her. It was her bling, her necklace. She hated any collar we put on her so she'd always just have the chain. She squatted her butt down and wouldn't move. So we picked her up again and carried her to our van. Of course between two kids she had to sit in between us. She was very scared in the van, she didn't like it and whined. We took her home and let her see it as hers too.

Over time she softened up and began to run around foolishly and to bark and play. She would run to greet us and lick our faces. She never trusted people who came to the door and would bark at them to protect her turf. I remember when I was home alone, which didn't happen a lot at that age. I had an overactive imagination and before long I envisioned terrible things happening. I was afraid of the house burning down or that someone might break in. Sheba and I sat in the middle of the living room, I had a bag packed just in case I had to run out the door. She never let me though I'm sure she was confused as to what I was afraid of. She spent almost every night on my bed and managed to push me into the crack between the bed and the wall a few times.

I have a memory of waking up to the sound of her growling. I was afraid cause I could see her head, her teeth, she was snarling and the hackles were raised. I looked up at the door and my mother had just closed it behind her. Sheba stopped growling but watched the door for as long as I could remember before I fell asleep. I asked my mom what she was doing the next day and she told me she was just putting one of my shirts back into the room. She had decided against it when Sheba growled. I felt very safe from then on, knowing that if anyone ever did break into our house and tried to come in my room, she would protect me.

These were the memories that came back to me in a flash. I almost couldn't hear my mother talking tonight. I knew Sheba had bad hips, that things were getting harder for her. She was peeing in her sleep and a hard time getting up. Today, this morning she couldn't get up at all. She was in pain. When my dad tried to help her up she tried to bite him. All of her hurt. Sheba was 12 almost 13 years old. Today was the last day she was going to suffer. Mom and dad got her in the car, and they took her to the vet. They said it was very peaceful, and I have to believe that.

As I opened up the lunchbox, her chain was coiled at the bottom. I cried. They soon left and I was alone with it. My cat, Lee, sat on my lap and I patted him for awhile. Then I drank a lot of wine while cleaning the dishes going over the memories.

She was a good dog. She was my best friend growing up. I told her all my secrets, my dreams and my confessions. Good luck girl. Goodbye and good luck.

Training and trashing the place

My BroBro came over tonight, which was a great idea on days off ... not so much tonight. Found out that I have to come in early tomorrow for a 6 hr training exercise, lovely 4:30 start time just means an early night tonight. Glad the last Monday is under my belt, I do not like them and they do not like me. It's been accepted. Got called into the Assistant Manager's office right off the bat, and I'm freaking out slightly in my head because on days off I dreamt that this had happened and she threw 2 cycles worth of calls on her desk and said not acceptable then tossed me outside into a snowbank. Thank goodness all she wanted to say was that I forgot to submit my payslip, (again, whoops!) and to do that first thing. Right away! Just don't toss me in a snowbank, I uh ... had to explain that to her.

Two feet from her office my supervisor, JP called me in to his office and shut the door. I believe Mama Fargo said it best in her post, http://mommafargo.blogspot.com/2011/01/its-just-words.html 'Fuck me in the ass!' aragh. That is actually a saying up here as well. This was not starting out great. Turns out he just wanted to ask me how I was, cause apparently I was upset looking when I left last night shift, that were his words. He wanted to make sure I was ok. I was fine, just the office politics get to me some nights more then others. All good.

Well ... I broke four things today, sigh. I was harassing/playing with Dispatcher Grumpy, poking him, pushing the movable light around his desk and then I leaned against the half wall. No sooner had I done that, a loose half wall panel fell off and broke onto the floor. "Whoops."
Thrown out of the pod, yet again. Broke my computer, my pencil (right in half) and my shoe lace.
We had this call about a cat. It was sad. I hated the human race that moment. This ... can't even call her woman, this female human like life form, had been evicted and moved out of her apartment. She left behind her cat inside a carrier. When the maintenance people came in to change the locks, they found the cat screaming. There was blood in the carrier underneath it, it's face was bloodied and I could hear it over the phone. She hadn't been there in days, maybe a week. It was starving, sitting in shit and injured. That human like life form is lucky it wasn't dead. Or there would be one pissed off call taker on a rampage. I couldn't do anything but I'd rampage. I hate violence/neglect/sexual assault on animals and children, god those break my heart. We had a sexAssault case on a cat last year ... I wanted to sooooo do something more then curse under my breath.

Onto different news I have training next cycle as well ... yey ... sorta. It's 2 days of sitting in a room for our 911 refresher training. It's going to be painful. The 911 training was painful, like you're looking at your pencil wondering how much it would hurt to shove that in your eyes. The refresher is going to be so boring. Another call taker was trying to make me see the good in it, at least it's 2 days you don't have to be here. 1, I like here, 2, it's 911 training! 3, god I'd rather take a robi! At least then I know I won't fall on my pencil and skewer my eye 'accidentally'.
All good all good. I was making my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and my brother laughed at me. I put them in two reusable lunch bags that I got free from subway. I don't know if he was laughing at my breakfast or that fact that I kept it separate from my lunch. They're two different meals, two different bags. Breakfast, banana, half baggy full of cheerios and a half peanut butter sandwich (1 piece folded in half).

Got to go, it's late and it's a long day tomorrow