Scheduled to work today, not in because of vacation. Woo I love those words. So technically this is day 5 in my set of 12 that I have, first day that I would otherwise be working though. So far I have cleaned my apartment twice, seen 2.5 friends, stocked my freezer with gumbo and made banana bread. Going to see my Nana tomorrow and take care of her for a few days, then making the trip back to CrazyTown to hang with my BroBro. Exciting stuff, lol. The other day I had to walk to work because, airhead me, forgot to fill out forms for a shift exchange for another colleague so out to walk I go. It was on the way back though that a co-worker, who had been driving around on her lunch saw me and offered me a ride home. What was cool was that she stopped maybe thirty seconds up at the closest cross street and I ran to her. I was so excited that I actually ran, well sprinted, to her at a good speed and I didn't hurt at all. Same time last year I was barely walking more then 10 mins at a time and forget about running. Was so happy just to run, remembering when it hurt to stand. Then I wanted to run everywhere. Run, run, run. Yeeee!
I'm walking more now and I'm wishing that the sidewalks would stay nice and cleared for me to try to run on but they keep getting snowed and iced up. My luck I'd run, slip and break my leg and be in traction for the rest of my vaca.
Got up early this morning to have breakfast with my dad, we went to Smitty's and oh my it was good. Too good. There are no small meals there, at all. You can get three pancakes but they are covered in sugary sauce and whip cream or 5 pancakes. Hmm way too many carbs. Good ole bacon and eggs .... and toast and hashbrowns? And sausage and bacon and a fruit cup. It's just me! It's like going to a Chinese restaurant and trying to order off the dinner for 2 or 3 meals. I ended up with what I thought was 3 pancakes (plain), sausage and an egg. Nope. Got it. Pancakes, sausage, bacon,ham and 3 eggs. WTF! I am one person, why make meals this big? Needless to say I took over half of it home in a take out container, plus is I now have lunch as well. I tried their 'hot' sauce for my eggs, mildly warm. But I'm used to spicy food. My GI is confused by me. I'm not supposed to be able to eat hot and spicy foods but I love them and they don't hurt. It would be easier for me to guzzle a bottle of hot sauce like cola then eat a cup of lettuce or a stalk of celery. My crohns is weird. Meh, I know what I can and can't eat, I adjust accordingly. Urgh three baby carrots required several shots of morphine to make the pain stop and a steady dose of steroids to fix. Go figure.
Still recovering from my infusion though, starting to sleep better and obviously I can eat again. Got a nice bruise too and my veins are hiding. I like my nurse though, she does it in one poke, both bloodwork and infusion and can always make my veins come up. She also doesn't get scared by me because I do shake, a lot. It's not something I can control, my eyes just close and sometimes I vibrate others I rock. Ironically on the hand that gets the infusion, forearm down is still. I've had inexperienced nurses try to poke me but they get hesitant because of the shakes, I don't blame them. Sometimes they have to get a senior person to do it. As long as they do it in one poke it's good. Otherwise ... it's not good. I pass out most of the time or stop breathing. They've suggest hypno therapy but I don't know anything is worth a try I guess.
Writing more of my book, I've decided to keep the scene in. I feel it's been written as tasteful as possible and adds to the story. The girl that gets everything that can go wrong thrown on her still manages to overcome it all. There is a disclaimer though at the beginning of the book in case it may offend anyone. However, this book is her life and life itself comes with a disclaimer.
Oh FYI there is a serious bumper crop of weird and half crazed taxi drivers out there. I do not like it when as soon as you get in the cab they lock you in. Yell about politics and how they hate their job and everyone, take the most isolated routes you never even knew about and then get mad when you don't tip. This is especially disturbing when you just finished watching the criminal minds episode of where the taxi driver was killing some of the female customers he picked up. Not just killing, submerging their body in methanol and using her to make scented candles!
Well I got cleaning to do, baking of mints to do and some story to write. If the weather stays nice and the sidewalks clear up, might just go for a little sprint or two!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Who needs sleep?
So I am up, and it's late. I should be sleeping but I can't. Argh. Infusion tomorrow. Got to sleep, but I drank 6 litres of water today, so too many bathroom breaks to sleep. Too much anxiety about the needle to keep my eyes closed. Argh! Hate these things.
Last night shift wasn't bad at all, really slow. The calls we did get were interesting. I was laughing at this girl cause her first call was really hot, suicidal, armed and he didn't want to come out an play. Then I got my first call, Robbery in prog with weap. Damn karma. One more hot call for the remainder and that was it. Pretty slow so I got a lot of writing for my book done. Had this one call, where it borders on gross and extremely sweet. Guy calls up, his wife passed out on the toilet. They're not older, like maybe twenties, no drugs or liquor, she just wasn't feeling well and passed out. So he picked her up, cleaned her and put her in their bed and then called 911. She had a bowel movement in bed and he cleaned her again. I guess when you get used to taking so many domestic violence calls, that when you get a call and they actually care, you remember. I was thinking, that was sweet, gross but sweet that he was willing to do that so she'd be comfortable, even passed out. He was thinking about her pride too. I remember he was talking to her between answering the questions of the paramedic (on the phone). He was telling her it'd be ok, that he loved her and he would be with her. My god, so sweet. Nothing like one of my managers first 911 calls. "I just killed my husband! Ha! Ha! Ha! *CLICK*"
On my first vacation, sweet woo hoo yeah! Vaca! Vaca! Going to see my BroBro, my Nana, my mum and my daddy! Yey! Going to see a few friends, clean the entire apartment and then sleep. Maybe. No sleep tonight. No. Damn anxiety.
I'd eat supper if it'd stay down but probably wouldn't. So hard to eat day before, day of and day after. I'm exhausted from lack of sleep but still can't drift off. I wish there was away to just get rid of this phobia, argh. I was given a theory, that I will try tomorrow. The theory is, pretend you love it. Pretend it's the best thing in the world and that it's the biggest turn on. Umm ... she's sticking a syringe and then a hollow tube in me!!! At least I didn't pass out last time, going to try to shoot for that again. Too bad there wasn't knock out gas. I'd like that. Good ole dose of zzz right before the stick. Sigh. I'm rambling. I'm tired. Going to try and crash for a bit. I leave you with this piece of retro music fro BNL.
There's so much joy in life,so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,there's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia are ones I can't avoid
Lids down,
I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is that I won't sleep
I countdown,
I look around
Hala Hala Hala
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake since the Second World War
Last night shift wasn't bad at all, really slow. The calls we did get were interesting. I was laughing at this girl cause her first call was really hot, suicidal, armed and he didn't want to come out an play. Then I got my first call, Robbery in prog with weap. Damn karma. One more hot call for the remainder and that was it. Pretty slow so I got a lot of writing for my book done. Had this one call, where it borders on gross and extremely sweet. Guy calls up, his wife passed out on the toilet. They're not older, like maybe twenties, no drugs or liquor, she just wasn't feeling well and passed out. So he picked her up, cleaned her and put her in their bed and then called 911. She had a bowel movement in bed and he cleaned her again. I guess when you get used to taking so many domestic violence calls, that when you get a call and they actually care, you remember. I was thinking, that was sweet, gross but sweet that he was willing to do that so she'd be comfortable, even passed out. He was thinking about her pride too. I remember he was talking to her between answering the questions of the paramedic (on the phone). He was telling her it'd be ok, that he loved her and he would be with her. My god, so sweet. Nothing like one of my managers first 911 calls. "I just killed my husband! Ha! Ha! Ha! *CLICK*"
On my first vacation, sweet woo hoo yeah! Vaca! Vaca! Going to see my BroBro, my Nana, my mum and my daddy! Yey! Going to see a few friends, clean the entire apartment and then sleep. Maybe. No sleep tonight. No. Damn anxiety.
I'd eat supper if it'd stay down but probably wouldn't. So hard to eat day before, day of and day after. I'm exhausted from lack of sleep but still can't drift off. I wish there was away to just get rid of this phobia, argh. I was given a theory, that I will try tomorrow. The theory is, pretend you love it. Pretend it's the best thing in the world and that it's the biggest turn on. Umm ... she's sticking a syringe and then a hollow tube in me!!! At least I didn't pass out last time, going to try to shoot for that again. Too bad there wasn't knock out gas. I'd like that. Good ole dose of zzz right before the stick. Sigh. I'm rambling. I'm tired. Going to try and crash for a bit. I leave you with this piece of retro music fro BNL.
There's so much joy in life,so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,there's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia are ones I can't avoid
Lids down,
I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is that I won't sleep
I countdown,
I look around
Hala Hala Hala
Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake since the Second World War
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Visit home and Writing question
So going back to work tomorrow, looking forward to it. Sometimes I enjoy work for the fact that it gets my mind off of home stuff and vice versa. Spent a few days in RedNeck Town looking after my Nana. She doesn't know who I am anymore and there are days she doesn't know my parents either. All she knows is I'm the girl who brings her meals in, cleans her soiled bed and helps her up from the toilet if she can't get up. We do puzzles together which involve me putting the pieces she tells me to where she wants them to go. She remembers the cat's name though. Damn cat.
Being back in town gave me a chance to catch up with my neighbors. While Nana was taking a nap I escaped for a bit. My mother dropped her dog, Kassie, off so I took her for a walk. It was good to have a buddy and this Westie/Silky mix had lots of energy to go around. We went for maybe a half hour walk and stopped at the bakery. Kassie got a sugar cookie and I got some cinnamon buns for my Nana, they are her favourite. Headed back home, and made homemade pizza from absolute scratch. Made the dough, which was awesome, made the sauce, can't tolerate bottle stuff, and pepperoni, green pepper, mushrooms and bacon bits. And of course cheese! In grade six our class broke into groups where we made pizza, I learned then. Never too much cheese.
The days there felt very long and tiring, but it was a good sort of tired. Did lots of laundry and cleaned a tons of dishes. I watched her struggle with almost everything and the way she sat comatose even. I half wished if it was going to happen, it would just happen so she wouldn't suffer like this. I was glad Kassie was there. Some things you can only tell to a dog.
Got back to Crazy Town when my dad came home and now I wait for the phone call again. Every time I get a call from home my brain is telling me it's them calling to tell me she's passed on. It's going to be sooner rather then later.
Meals are all prepped and in containers for tomorrow and it's almost time for bed. Geesh when did 9:30 become my bed time? I'm a writer and currently I am writing a book about the life story of a very troubled girl (age 8-15). I sent a section to a friend to get feed back and was told, 'it's a little dark'. Book is a lot dark but it's all about how even when bad things happen you can overcome them and finding the blessings that aren't always evident. She might be a child and having incredible hardships thrown at her, but she's strong and overcomes them in the end, showing if nothing else, life goes on. I guess the question is, how much is too much? I don't like taming down stories and often will let a story go as far as it goes because I feel I am more a median for the story and it tells itself. Issue was this was a 11 year old girl who gets raped. I don't write the actual rape, as I do not write porn, but more or less the after affects of it. Describing the suicidal and homicidal feelings she has inside her as she scrubbing to get clean in the shower. They are not more then thoughts as she's going through her emotions. I didn't sit down and go hmm what to write ... a child getting raped. It's just how the story goes as again it shows everything she can overcome. And yes she does attempt suicide but when she's fifteen. No homicide though. Is it too much? Because I almost feel like taking it out would compromise the story.
Just finished the scene, looking it over. It's intense but I felt it's been done tactfully and brutally honest. Let's face it, this does happen. There is a little blood in the shower scene, but again it's tactfully done. My story does have a warning on the cover though, just to warn readers that there is a little more to the title, 'A loving mother'.
Off to bed, off to bed. Geesh. Word of advice, do not drink a litre of water in two hours, it will take you forever to write a blog post.
Being back in town gave me a chance to catch up with my neighbors. While Nana was taking a nap I escaped for a bit. My mother dropped her dog, Kassie, off so I took her for a walk. It was good to have a buddy and this Westie/Silky mix had lots of energy to go around. We went for maybe a half hour walk and stopped at the bakery. Kassie got a sugar cookie and I got some cinnamon buns for my Nana, they are her favourite. Headed back home, and made homemade pizza from absolute scratch. Made the dough, which was awesome, made the sauce, can't tolerate bottle stuff, and pepperoni, green pepper, mushrooms and bacon bits. And of course cheese! In grade six our class broke into groups where we made pizza, I learned then. Never too much cheese.
The days there felt very long and tiring, but it was a good sort of tired. Did lots of laundry and cleaned a tons of dishes. I watched her struggle with almost everything and the way she sat comatose even. I half wished if it was going to happen, it would just happen so she wouldn't suffer like this. I was glad Kassie was there. Some things you can only tell to a dog.
Got back to Crazy Town when my dad came home and now I wait for the phone call again. Every time I get a call from home my brain is telling me it's them calling to tell me she's passed on. It's going to be sooner rather then later.
Meals are all prepped and in containers for tomorrow and it's almost time for bed. Geesh when did 9:30 become my bed time? I'm a writer and currently I am writing a book about the life story of a very troubled girl (age 8-15). I sent a section to a friend to get feed back and was told, 'it's a little dark'. Book is a lot dark but it's all about how even when bad things happen you can overcome them and finding the blessings that aren't always evident. She might be a child and having incredible hardships thrown at her, but she's strong and overcomes them in the end, showing if nothing else, life goes on. I guess the question is, how much is too much? I don't like taming down stories and often will let a story go as far as it goes because I feel I am more a median for the story and it tells itself. Issue was this was a 11 year old girl who gets raped. I don't write the actual rape, as I do not write porn, but more or less the after affects of it. Describing the suicidal and homicidal feelings she has inside her as she scrubbing to get clean in the shower. They are not more then thoughts as she's going through her emotions. I didn't sit down and go hmm what to write ... a child getting raped. It's just how the story goes as again it shows everything she can overcome. And yes she does attempt suicide but when she's fifteen. No homicide though. Is it too much? Because I almost feel like taking it out would compromise the story.
Just finished the scene, looking it over. It's intense but I felt it's been done tactfully and brutally honest. Let's face it, this does happen. There is a little blood in the shower scene, but again it's tactfully done. My story does have a warning on the cover though, just to warn readers that there is a little more to the title, 'A loving mother'.
Off to bed, off to bed. Geesh. Word of advice, do not drink a litre of water in two hours, it will take you forever to write a blog post.
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