Christmas once again

What a busy, busy week. Second day off now, things are just starting to come back to normal ... well as normal as things get. Dec 24 was my first day back so that means I get all the last minute shoplifter calls, child custody disputes and a few suicides here and there, tis the season. I'm fortunate enough that that my brother who lives in Crazy Town too got off at the same time that I did and to take me to our dad's house for Christmas eve, he lives in Redneck Town. Jacks, it is Redneck Town, I saw a few people in their decorated tractors going down the street to pick up pizza ... there's no shame.

Got to see my Nana which is awesome because this will probably be her last year, we keep getting the be prepared speech every time we say goodbye.

It was hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing when I asked my brother to get a present that was in one of my bags. I had 99% of them in one bag but that one I had gotten late so it somehow didn't make it to the right place in the confuffle. I told him it had red and black wrapping paper. Easy enough, he goes rooting through the bag, cause he was going to his bag beside mine anyways. I'm sitting in the living room, playing with my puppy, a 11 ... 12 year old German Shepard mostly mix when I hear him holler.

My dad asks him if he's still alive and my brother admits that he is very quickly and a few minutes later he comes back a few shades of red. He hands me the present without making eye contact and I ask what. Apparently he had found a bra that was red and black and had taken that out of the bag. Well I laughed, my mom and dad laughed and he just sat down and distracted himself with the pupper dog.

The next morning was an early one because I was doing the 12 hour shift and had to be on the on ramp to the highway at 04:45. I had a coworker was coming through from Hub Town and picked me up. We had 50 dispatchable calls that day, normally it's like 150-200, which means only one thing. We got ourselves in trouble a lot. There was laughing, talking and someone threw a packet of ketchup at me. Officers came up and visited, there were treats brought in and oh my god enough chocolate to send everyone into seizures. Fat and full, around 18:00 that night, the same coworker drove me to Bum Fuck Nowhere where my mother lives and I had Christmas Dinner there. My mom's boyfriend is really nice and he had his mother there. She was a bit creepy looking as she liked to stare at you and go, "Hmmm ... niceeeeee." Four different kinds of pie, two different kinds of potato, stuffing, turkey, a million and two vegetables ... so full, so tired, I slept on the couch. The youngest dog a westie/silky mixture slept on my shoulder asking every two seconds, 'play'?

Mom and her boyfriend drove me back to Crazy Town on Boxing day, to which I was running on little sleep but did 2 night shifts worth of work. Last night finally got enough sleep and am feeling better, opening and putting away some presents, Electric mixer, Food steamer, pots and a few decorative things. Headache week count though ... 3rd week going on 4th ... was told to look into codine ... might try that. There was also this other pill ... apparently the strongest thing you can get without a prescription. Might look into it, constant headaches suck royally. It's good to see the family but it's really good to be home too.

Police K-9 and a Santa MVA.

Last cycle was awesome! On two occasions the police k-9 came up to visit and both times I got to see them! I will admit I am a dog person, German Shepard is my favourite breed and these guys were so adorable. I have come to accept that I would be an easy person to abduct. Show me a puppy and I get tunnel vision. Hell I'd probably walk in to the van and if you let me hold the puppy or pat a dog, I'd go all the way to the second location happy as pig in shit. One was either just over or just under two ... i believe, he was young though and still in the 'I love everyone' stage. He had really nice markings and even had a little Santa hat, which we thought was cute but he seemed to hate. It was just put on for us though, not to go on patrol with. Last night shift we saw a brand spanking new one. This one was still in training as he was only 9 months old but apparently he was really showing some good skills. He was super, friendly and had this massive head and massive paws. He was in the stage of 'Is this food? let me put it in my mouth. you smell good. I give you kiss. I want to smell everything! I'm going to ....Squirrel!!'

We got our first substantial snow fall this cycle and this amazing thing happened to almost all of the drivers. It was nearly instantaneous and I'm sure would have been funny if you were watching it from a birds eye perspective. It was like when a snowflake landed on a car, it instantly made the driver forget how to drive! Imagine driving down the road, you probably don't even see the single snowflake and it's "OH MY GOD! What is this wheel thing? What are these lines things! Aaaggh!" Crash. All day. Not happy.

So I go out shopping, regrettably, the malls are chaos with glitter and a bow. Going down an aisle and it happens again. Don't know if I blogged about it or ranted about it, but it happened again. Going down an aisle in Zellers, just avoided being side swiped by an old lady going mach 2, when I see it's completely blocked off. Lady has her cart facing one way and is looking the other so that no one can get by. I hate this but whatever I'll go around again. I turn around and someone else is doing the same thing on the other side. I am stuck again! Twice in one season, I need one of those cow plow things that they put on trains.

Looking forward to tonight because my brother is going to take me around to look at all the Christmas lights. Besides the whole 'family togetherness, love, peace on earth thing' this is my favourite part of Christmas. I don't even need gifts, just drive me around and let me look at the lights, or the plastic Santa that just flew across the highway.

Me: 911. What is your Emergency?
Panicked man: I just killed Santa!
Me: What? Where are you? Mall Santa or ...
Panicked man: On the highway! It blew right in front of my truck!
Me: A man just blew in front of your truck? Which highway? *thinking winds are high but shouldn't be that high. Especially if this man is red, fat and jolly.**
Panicked man: I ran it over and it made this weird popping noise under my truck.
Me: *crickets* okay so a popping sound ... ok which highway, I need to know, we have a lot.
Panicked man: I'm on 'main Crazytown highway right before the psycho mall that Kat would eventually battle through. (okay he didn't say that but hey, can't give out major highways or malls, my whole secret identity thing ... yes secret identities just aren't for superheros)
Me: Have you pulled over?
Panicked man: Well no I'm late for work which is why I was rushing. I didn't see it until it flew over the median and crashed in my lane.
Me: He flew over the median? Can you still see him?
Panicked man: Oh no, I mean ... this is going to upset some kids if they see that ... I figure he came off one of the yards, probably wasn't secured right.
Me: *finally dawns on me* Sir is this a decorative Santa or a real man dressed as Santa?
Panicked man: Like the kind you plug in.
Me: *Withholding my sarcastic remarks* So a fake decorative lawn ornament Santa, not flesh in blood need Fire, Police and an Ambulance for?"
Panicked man: Well no. Someone should clean it up though, kids might see it.
Me: Right ... *erases most of call ... thank god I had not entered it yet, they'd never let me live it down* I'll call the department of highways to come by and scrape Santa off."
Panicked man: Okay thanks ... will I be charged for destroying property?
Me: Not if it blew in front of you while you were driving on the highway ... though you might find a lump of coal on Christmas day.
Panicked man: *laughs* Good, I'll use it to heat my house. Price of oil is crazy.
Me: I know eh? (i do say eh, it's habit). Let me get your name and number confirmed then I'll send you on your way.

911 versus the Dispenser

I'd like to think my Division is made up of skilled, capable and intelligent individuals. We handle life and death emergencies (and the not so dire) calls all day long and I feel we do a rather good job. That is why I am perplexed, given my crowd of associates, that we are constantly thwarted by the paper towel dispenser. I don't get it. At least twice a cycle I see that it's get jammed up and it flat out refuses to preform like an scorned hooker who's got Johns lined up around the block. This has been going on for months now and every time our cleaner has to unlock the beast, beat it to shit before the paper towel is unclogged. Thank god we have a second one or everyone would think we had pee hands all day.

This is my first day back and it has gone quite well. A co-worker has surprised me with a loaf of her ever-lovin freaking awesome banana bread for me. The whole thing, for me!!! It was a belated birthday gift! WOOO! Then a half hour later another co-worker took a bite out of her Tim Horton's breakfast sandwich and didn't like it. Instead of wasting it, she cut off her bite marks and gave it to me. Taking it, I thought and then looked at both of them. "You two are trying to make me fat ... er."

Oh go figure this. Some kid thinks it's funny to tell people at school he has a gun then go back behind the school and set off firecrackers! Now here's the crazy part, everything thinks he's shootin off a gun and we get 1 call. A few hours later we have a guy walking down the sidewalk and falls over. He's fine. 6 calls! Priorities people!

Officer came in, guy had puked over him, felt sooooo bad. I saw him in the hallway as I was going to the bathroom. He said I looked like death, ok so I wasn't feelin the best, constant headaches suck. My only response 'well you smell like it', even though he'd already changed. Then I had to admit that death smelled a bit worse then he did, but I told him if he got any riper then he'd be close.