Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Police K-9 and a Santa MVA.

Last cycle was awesome! On two occasions the police k-9 came up to visit and both times I got to see them! I will admit I am a dog person, German Shepard is my favourite breed and these guys were so adorable. I have come to accept that I would be an easy person to abduct. Show me a puppy and I get tunnel vision. Hell I'd probably walk in to the van and if you let me hold the puppy or pat a dog, I'd go all the way to the second location happy as pig in shit. One was either just over or just under two ... i believe, he was young though and still in the 'I love everyone' stage. He had really nice markings and even had a little Santa hat, which we thought was cute but he seemed to hate. It was just put on for us though, not to go on patrol with. Last night shift we saw a brand spanking new one. This one was still in training as he was only 9 months old but apparently he was really showing some good skills. He was super, friendly and had this massive head and massive paws. He was in the stage of 'Is this food? let me put it in my mouth. you smell good. I give you kiss. I want to smell everything! I'm going to ....Squirrel!!'

We got our first substantial snow fall this cycle and this amazing thing happened to almost all of the drivers. It was nearly instantaneous and I'm sure would have been funny if you were watching it from a birds eye perspective. It was like when a snowflake landed on a car, it instantly made the driver forget how to drive! Imagine driving down the road, you probably don't even see the single snowflake and it's "OH MY GOD! What is this wheel thing? What are these lines things! Aaaggh!" Crash. All day. Not happy.

So I go out shopping, regrettably, the malls are chaos with glitter and a bow. Going down an aisle and it happens again. Don't know if I blogged about it or ranted about it, but it happened again. Going down an aisle in Zellers, just avoided being side swiped by an old lady going mach 2, when I see it's completely blocked off. Lady has her cart facing one way and is looking the other so that no one can get by. I hate this but whatever I'll go around again. I turn around and someone else is doing the same thing on the other side. I am stuck again! Twice in one season, I need one of those cow plow things that they put on trains.

Looking forward to tonight because my brother is going to take me around to look at all the Christmas lights. Besides the whole 'family togetherness, love, peace on earth thing' this is my favourite part of Christmas. I don't even need gifts, just drive me around and let me look at the lights, or the plastic Santa that just flew across the highway.

Me: 911. What is your Emergency?
Panicked man: I just killed Santa!
Me: What? Where are you? Mall Santa or ...
Panicked man: On the highway! It blew right in front of my truck!
Me: A man just blew in front of your truck? Which highway? *thinking winds are high but shouldn't be that high. Especially if this man is red, fat and jolly.**
Panicked man: I ran it over and it made this weird popping noise under my truck.
Me: *crickets* okay so a popping sound ... ok which highway, I need to know, we have a lot.
Panicked man: I'm on 'main Crazytown highway right before the psycho mall that Kat would eventually battle through. (okay he didn't say that but hey, can't give out major highways or malls, my whole secret identity thing ... yes secret identities just aren't for superheros)
Me: Have you pulled over?
Panicked man: Well no I'm late for work which is why I was rushing. I didn't see it until it flew over the median and crashed in my lane.
Me: He flew over the median? Can you still see him?
Panicked man: Oh no, I mean ... this is going to upset some kids if they see that ... I figure he came off one of the yards, probably wasn't secured right.
Me: *finally dawns on me* Sir is this a decorative Santa or a real man dressed as Santa?
Panicked man: Like the kind you plug in.
Me: *Withholding my sarcastic remarks* So a fake decorative lawn ornament Santa, not flesh in blood need Fire, Police and an Ambulance for?"
Panicked man: Well no. Someone should clean it up though, kids might see it.
Me: Right ... *erases most of call ... thank god I had not entered it yet, they'd never let me live it down* I'll call the department of highways to come by and scrape Santa off."
Panicked man: Okay thanks ... will I be charged for destroying property?
Me: Not if it blew in front of you while you were driving on the highway ... though you might find a lump of coal on Christmas day.
Panicked man: *laughs* Good, I'll use it to heat my house. Price of oil is crazy.
Me: I know eh? (i do say eh, it's habit). Let me get your name and number confirmed then I'll send you on your way.


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  2. ahahahahahahahaahah that is too funny! "I killed Santa!" LOL!!

    ps. shipping xmas gift out this week! I promise

  3. I think that was me that killed Santa Muhahahaha,,,,,, very funny story tho..

  4. Thoughts that was your voice Kennyo ha ha. Get the lump of coal in your stocking?

    ps. jacks i haven't mailed yours yet but it's coming too