Monday, February 28, 2011

First sprint

Scheduled to work today, not in because of vacation. Woo I love those words. So technically this is day 5 in my set of 12 that I have, first day that I would otherwise be working though. So far I have cleaned my apartment twice, seen 2.5 friends, stocked my freezer with gumbo and made banana bread. Going to see my Nana tomorrow and take care of her for a few days, then making the trip back to CrazyTown to hang with my BroBro. Exciting stuff, lol. The other day I had to walk to work because, airhead me, forgot to fill out forms for a shift exchange for another colleague so out to walk I go. It was on the way back though that a co-worker, who had been driving around on her lunch saw me and offered me a ride home. What was cool was that she stopped maybe thirty seconds up at the closest cross street and I ran to her. I was so excited that I actually ran, well sprinted, to her at a good speed and I didn't hurt at all. Same time last year I was barely walking more then 10 mins at a time and forget about running. Was so happy just to run, remembering when it hurt to stand. Then I wanted to run everywhere. Run, run, run. Yeeee!

I'm walking more now and I'm wishing that the sidewalks would stay nice and cleared for me to try to run on but they keep getting snowed and iced up. My luck I'd run, slip and break my leg and be in traction for the rest of my vaca.

Got up early this morning to have breakfast with my dad, we went to Smitty's and oh my it was good. Too good. There are no small meals there, at all. You can get three pancakes but they are covered in sugary sauce and whip cream or 5 pancakes. Hmm way too many carbs. Good ole bacon and eggs .... and toast and hashbrowns? And sausage and bacon and a fruit cup. It's just me! It's like going to a Chinese restaurant and trying to order off the dinner for 2 or 3 meals. I ended up with what I thought was 3 pancakes (plain), sausage and an egg. Nope. Got it. Pancakes, sausage, bacon,ham and 3 eggs. WTF! I am one person, why make meals this big? Needless to say I took over half of it home in a take out container, plus is I now have lunch as well. I tried their 'hot' sauce for my eggs, mildly warm. But I'm used to spicy food. My GI is confused by me. I'm not supposed to be able to eat hot and spicy foods but I love them and they don't hurt. It would be easier for me to guzzle a bottle of hot sauce like cola then eat a cup of lettuce or a stalk of celery. My crohns is weird. Meh, I know what I can and can't eat, I adjust accordingly. Urgh three baby carrots required several shots of morphine to make the pain stop and a steady dose of steroids to fix. Go figure.

Still recovering from my infusion though, starting to sleep better and obviously I can eat again. Got a nice bruise too and my veins are hiding. I like my nurse though, she does it in one poke, both bloodwork and infusion and can always make my veins come up. She also doesn't get scared by me because I do shake, a lot. It's not something I can control, my eyes just close and sometimes I vibrate others I rock. Ironically on the hand that gets the infusion, forearm down is still. I've had inexperienced nurses try to poke me but they get hesitant because of the shakes, I don't blame them. Sometimes they have to get a senior person to do it. As long as they do it in one poke it's good. Otherwise ... it's not good. I pass out most of the time or stop breathing. They've suggest hypno therapy but I don't know anything is worth a try I guess.

Writing more of my book, I've decided to keep the scene in. I feel it's been written as tasteful as possible and adds to the story. The girl that gets everything that can go wrong thrown on her still manages to overcome it all. There is a disclaimer though at the beginning of the book in case it may offend anyone. However, this book is her life and life itself comes with a disclaimer.

Oh FYI there is a serious bumper crop of weird and half crazed taxi drivers out there. I do not like it when as soon as you get in the cab they lock you in. Yell about politics and how they hate their job and everyone, take the most isolated routes you never even knew about and then get mad when you don't tip. This is especially disturbing when you just finished watching the criminal minds episode of where the taxi driver was killing some of the female customers he picked up. Not just killing, submerging their body in methanol and using her to make scented candles!

Well I got cleaning to do, baking of mints to do and some story to write. If the weather stays nice and the sidewalks clear up, might just go for a little sprint or two!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Who needs sleep?

So I am up, and it's late. I should be sleeping but I can't. Argh. Infusion tomorrow. Got to sleep, but I drank 6 litres of water today, so too many bathroom breaks to sleep. Too much anxiety about the needle to keep my eyes closed. Argh! Hate these things.

Last night shift wasn't bad at all, really slow. The calls we did get were interesting. I was laughing at this girl cause her first call was really hot, suicidal, armed and he didn't want to come out an play. Then I got my first call, Robbery in prog with weap. Damn karma. One more hot call for the remainder and that was it. Pretty slow so I got a lot of writing for my book done. Had this one call, where it borders on gross and extremely sweet. Guy calls up, his wife passed out on the toilet. They're not older, like maybe twenties, no drugs or liquor, she just wasn't feeling well and passed out. So he picked her up, cleaned her and put her in their bed and then called 911. She had a bowel movement in bed and he cleaned her again. I guess when you get used to taking so many domestic violence calls, that when you get a call and they actually care, you remember. I was thinking, that was sweet, gross but sweet that he was willing to do that so she'd be comfortable, even passed out. He was thinking about her pride too. I remember he was talking to her between answering the questions of the paramedic (on the phone). He was telling her it'd be ok, that he loved her and he would be with her. My god, so sweet. Nothing like one of my managers first 911 calls. "I just killed my husband! Ha! Ha! Ha! *CLICK*"

On my first vacation, sweet woo hoo yeah! Vaca! Vaca! Going to see my BroBro, my Nana, my mum and my daddy! Yey! Going to see a few friends, clean the entire apartment and then sleep. Maybe. No sleep tonight. No. Damn anxiety.

I'd eat supper if it'd stay down but probably wouldn't. So hard to eat day before, day of and day after. I'm exhausted from lack of sleep but still can't drift off. I wish there was away to just get rid of this phobia, argh. I was given a theory, that I will try tomorrow. The theory is, pretend you love it. Pretend it's the best thing in the world and that it's the biggest turn on. Umm ... she's sticking a syringe and then a hollow tube in me!!! At least I didn't pass out last time, going to try to shoot for that again. Too bad there wasn't knock out gas. I'd like that. Good ole dose of zzz right before the stick. Sigh. I'm rambling. I'm tired. Going to try and crash for a bit. I leave you with this piece of retro music fro BNL.

There's so much joy in life,so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,there's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia are ones I can't avoid

Lids down,
I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is that I won't sleep
I countdown,
I look around

Hala Hala Hala

Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake since the Second World War

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Visit home and Writing question

So going back to work tomorrow, looking forward to it. Sometimes I enjoy work for the fact that it gets my mind off of home stuff and vice versa. Spent a few days in RedNeck Town looking after my Nana. She doesn't know who I am anymore and there are days she doesn't know my parents either. All she knows is I'm the girl who brings her meals in, cleans her soiled bed and helps her up from the toilet if she can't get up. We do puzzles together which involve me putting the pieces she tells me to where she wants them to go. She remembers the cat's name though. Damn cat.

Being back in town gave me a chance to catch up with my neighbors. While Nana was taking a nap I escaped for a bit. My mother dropped her dog, Kassie, off so I took her for a walk. It was good to have a buddy and this Westie/Silky mix had lots of energy to go around. We went for maybe a half hour walk and stopped at the bakery. Kassie got a sugar cookie and I got some cinnamon buns for my Nana, they are her favourite. Headed back home, and made homemade pizza from absolute scratch. Made the dough, which was awesome, made the sauce, can't tolerate bottle stuff, and pepperoni, green pepper, mushrooms and bacon bits. And of course cheese! In grade six our class broke into groups where we made pizza, I learned then. Never too much cheese.

The days there felt very long and tiring, but it was a good sort of tired. Did lots of laundry and cleaned a tons of dishes. I watched her struggle with almost everything and the way she sat comatose even. I half wished if it was going to happen, it would just happen so she wouldn't suffer like this. I was glad Kassie was there. Some things you can only tell to a dog.

Got back to Crazy Town when my dad came home and now I wait for the phone call again. Every time I get a call from home my brain is telling me it's them calling to tell me she's passed on. It's going to be sooner rather then later.

Meals are all prepped and in containers for tomorrow and it's almost time for bed. Geesh when did 9:30 become my bed time? I'm a writer and currently I am writing a book about the life story of a very troubled girl (age 8-15). I sent a section to a friend to get feed back and was told, 'it's a little dark'. Book is a lot dark but it's all about how even when bad things happen you can overcome them and finding the blessings that aren't always evident. She might be a child and having incredible hardships thrown at her, but she's strong and overcomes them in the end, showing if nothing else, life goes on. I guess the question is, how much is too much? I don't like taming down stories and often will let a story go as far as it goes because I feel I am more a median for the story and it tells itself. Issue was this was a 11 year old girl who gets raped. I don't write the actual rape, as I do not write porn, but more or less the after affects of it. Describing the suicidal and homicidal feelings she has inside her as she scrubbing to get clean in the shower. They are not more then thoughts as she's going through her emotions. I didn't sit down and go hmm what to write ... a child getting raped. It's just how the story goes as again it shows everything she can overcome. And yes she does attempt suicide but when she's fifteen. No homicide though. Is it too much? Because I almost feel like taking it out would compromise the story.

Just finished the scene, looking it over. It's intense but I felt it's been done tactfully and brutally honest. Let's face it, this does happen. There is a little blood in the shower scene, but again it's tactfully done. My story does have a warning on the cover though, just to warn readers that there is a little more to the title, 'A loving mother'.

Off to bed, off to bed. Geesh. Word of advice, do not drink a litre of water in two hours, it will take you forever to write a blog post.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

911 Fashion Show

So just finished up my first cycle with squad 3 which was nice and very relaxed. I found they are a mellow group, which works just fine with me! Still getting used to the consecutive 12 hour shifts but they are getting easier. Patience does start to run out about five thirty am though. Took a call from a girl who was sobbing because she was assaulted by someone I couldn't even get the name of. Near hysterics because the person who 'assaulted' her was still there with friends, everyone was yelling, my caller was a puddle and I had to sigh. Finally got the address out of her and even when the police were there she was going on. I had to raise my voice to her and say "Stop sobbing now and go see the FFFFFF police outside!" Closest I've ever come to swearing at a caller. Besides being sobbing she was also very dramatic. I hate drama people, argh!

I'm a little out of order but meh I just woke up. I started the shift of my last night with what sounded like a double stabbing, oh fun. Cept this caller was drunk and hysterical, yeay! Yeah she had a cut thumb and he had a scratch. Bastards. If you're going to get me all 'ahh' about that and have my units screaming code, make it good!

We have this one crazy lady in the city who has been banned from almost everyplace she's been to. I'm talking from shelters, hospitals and even the police station. Pretty much the only place she can go is booking! We are dealing with her daily, sometimes multiple times in a day as she calls 911 from random payphones and causes a scene.

Last night shift I was tired and cranky, I'll admit it. Went to the bathroom and saw heels sticking out from one of the stalls. "WTF?" Saw all this bright coloured material there inside the large stall. Was confused.

"Kat?" It was my supervisor MZ.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Trying on dresses."
"Oh ... why the hell are you doing that?"
"Gala thingy that I have to go to with the hubby."
"Oh ... sufferage."
"Can you zip me up?"
Shrugs why not. "Alright."
She comes out with this little beige dress that is nice but has an ugly colour. And she asks the dreaded question. "What do you think?"
"Will you fire me for my opinion?"
"Dress itself is nice, like the design, butt ugly colour."
She sighs but nods. "I gotta show the floor, they want to see."
"911 fashion show?"
"Yeah. Zip?"
I zip her up, which was a sight I really didn't need to see but anyways.
"I'll be back."
"How many dresses you got?"
"I don't know .... couple red ones, couple blue ones ..."
"I'll just wait here." I sat on the counter and swung my legs.
So she did several dresses and then I had to take pictures on her camera phone so she could compare later. It is definitely different having a female supervisor. I didn't think going to the bathroom would lead to an hour off the phone and me becoming a fashion assistant.

Now on days off but it's not much of time off. Getting ready to leave soon to head home to RedNeck Town. My father is on a business trip and my brother has been making daily trips to take care of my Nana. She is sick and is nearing the end of the line, which is a bit sad but I want to make her remaining time happy. She has dementia so that means I can tell the same joke every half hour and she'll be in stitches all day. I want to make sure her meals are more enjoyable then toast for breakfast, sandwich for lunch and then fish,potato and corn for supper. I'll be there for a few days and then when my father comes back I'll comeback in. I have been given death instructions though. Mother says to call her first. Uh ... hell no. If she's dying or in the process of, I'm calling 911. She says to me, you know that would mean a police officer might come to. I told her I was slightly familiar with the process and would be able to do it. I'd call her after I did them.

Oh well. Gotta get ready, almost time to leave.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Court and Clown feet

So had this gross 24 hour bug thing, not fun. Cramps, nausea and a real poster case for PMS without the actual mechanics. Yuck argh. But did you know Pepto Bismol comes in a peppermint insta cool chewable tablet? I didn't. Not until after this passed. I know have it for next time. Day off 1.

Day off 2 I had to go to court for an arson call. I was lucky because I was feeling better and even more lucky cause Dispatcher Grumpy had to go too. We waited up in the Crown's office for a bit which was fun because Grumps was there to keep my company. It was my turn to see the Crown so I walked in and sat alone at this big long table. Cool. From the way she was talking about it, it sounded like I would actually take the stand this time, so cool. She was telling me not to speculate and if I was asked to either look at the judge or herself and she would object. Cool. I have had 11 subpoenas in 2.5 years which is a lot for us. This was Dispatcher Grumpy's first and he'd been there 10 years plus. Sigh, all of mine however I've only ever got to go in and sit down and never had to go up. I want to, at least once.

It's a little bit of nervous, I won't lie but I believe in what I say and I did everything I was supposed to. Besides I'm in no risk of legal penalty. She finishes up with me and I go back to sit out in the waiting room. I meet a few of the officers that are also on the file but that I had never met in person. I'm listening to them and I'm tyring to match their voices to their face but not working out so well. They told me their user ids and I knew who they were.

I saw my old lawyer walk in with clients of his own now and he did a double take at me. "You in trouble?" He asked. I pull my jacket out and let him see the police emblem. I haven't seen him in years so he doesn't know where I work. "Ahh, I see. "

I wanted to go against him, I hate him, he's a jerk and I was in serious wanting to play some hardball. But he wasn't representing the people in my case so I'd have to wait. He's good to my parents but we never saw eye to eye and if I ever had to get representation I'd get one of his associates. He has a good firm, an impressive one but I don't like the way he handled a case of mine years ago.

It was time to go so we all went to go down the elevator but there was a ton of us so half of us voted to take the stairs. Woo. The fire inspectors went down in one with the Crown while Grumps, me and the two officers went down the stairs. We went to the court room and the officers got to walk around the metal detector while Grumps had to go through it. Ding Ding, he sets it off. The second sheriff sees that I'm wearing the police emblem so I get to walk around to. I'm trying not to laugh as poor Grumps has to get wanded. Belt comes off. he goes through, grumbling in typical Grump fashion. One of the officers, JS is standing there with a not too sure face, "I think we're in the wrong court." Sure enough officer SC goes to the docket and nope, Court Room 5. So we rush out and down the stairs again. Get to court room five and SC and JS go around the metal detector. This time I'm first and i empty my pockets and walk through. Fine. Grumps goes through, DING DING DING! Ha, ha. I do laugh at him this time as he gets wanded again. Unknown what set it off this time but the boys were laughing at him saying that he'd have to get strip searched. Grumps was not happy about that, being let in because of where he worked, putting his belt back on and standing next to me grumbling. We went in the court room and started that.

Court was adjourned until September, sigh, I so wanted to go up this time around, oh well ... I'm sure I'll get more before September ... though Sept is my birthday month. Maybe I'll get lucky. Grumps drove me home but not before cursing and yelling at the gate that really didn't want to open for him. I'll miss Dispatcher Grumpy.

Day off 3, was good, got some groceries mainly and am scoping out some five finger vibram shoes. I like the Bikila ones best. Now came the hard part ... measuring my damn feet. They are big. Sigh. Curse you father ... you and your genes! He'd tell me they were good you know more stability, clearly he's never heard the bigger they are the harder they fall. It's so hard to find shoes and sneakers and god forbid heels. I always think people are looking at my feet, clown feet, Sigh. Why me? Why couldn't I have ... big ... teeth or something. No. Feet. Sigh. So I tried putting a measuring tape by them and that didn't work. Tried to put a ruler by it, nope. Ended up sticking my foot on a piece of paper, ticking it off and then measuring it. ...... 10 inches long and 3 inches wide. Clown feet. Sigh. My dirty minded friend, who shall remain nameless, said her normally saying, 'I want one that long.' Really? I told her that's why she'd never be married, she had too high of standards however I will never be married because some how I always knee them in the crotch while making out. The last time though, not my fault, he moved into it. Not going there. End of discussion. Anyways ... looking on the website, KO provided I checked up the their measurements and YAY! I'd fit into the biggest ones ... story of my life ... anyways it's all good. Give a half inch to the length of my feet so that the shoes would fit comfortably and I'll be good to roll... or run in this case. I'm going to wait until the summer because I'm trying to lose a few more pounds before I start running again. Lost 10 this month so happy about that. For me it's not so much what I eat but how much I exercise. I eat pretty good, I'll never be in a 'healthy living' magazine but it's not bad bad. Mostly steamed veggies, chicken, fish and the occasional red meat. What gets me is my sweets. I like chocolate and mini eggs. I got to get exercising again I just have to be careful not to piss off my crohns or fistula. Right now the most I can do is thirty minutes of leisurely walking. I'm almost healed though. I'll be able to walk all day and run again. I can feel it. I figure by the time summer comes around I'll be there. Can't wait. This girl wants to run, wants to lose about 130 lbs. Coming off the meds I'm on, moving more and monitoring my sugar like I'm doing, it'll happen. It'll take time but I'm nothing if not persistent.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Busy days and FireFighter Sims Video

Baptism by fire. First cycle as full time and doing the 12 hours, something that the body has to get used to, preferably slow. But do I I have that kind of luck? First 2 days are dayshifts and we have severe snow storms the first day, two separate weather events. Second day is dealing with all the stupid accidents from people who thought, since the roads 'looked' good, lets drive like it's August! Grumble grumble. My next two night shifts are Friday and Saturday with good weather, going to be nutso gonzo. I'll be dragging my ass home Sunday and sleeping until Monday. Next week I switch to 3 so I'll be early in the week rotation. I'm just one week rotation too late. So it was a long an early start and I had to repeat a lot of questions. There is nothing more annoying then asking a question and getting an unrelated answer. Most of the afternoon was like this ...

Me: Do you have an emergency you dialed 911?
OTL: Do you know where Patricia is?
Me: Who?
OTL: Patricia.
Me: Is she an officer?
OTL: Oh god I hope not ... I let her eat off my plate.
Me: *Withholding all remarks, painful but doable* Okay well do you have an emergency?
OTL: I called Patricia.
Me: No you dialed 911
OTL: Patricia. Do you know where she is? I called her?
Me: No you didn't, you called 911.
OTL: Do you know where my friend is?
Me: Nope. I need to confirm this ... so do you have an emergency?
OTL: I have a friend named Patricia.
Me: *headdesk* Deals with Out To Lunch for ten minutes.

Come home tired, so many gruesome suicides these last few days for some reason. I can't understand why some people, if they are going to do that, why they leave it for their family to find. Really? Do you really want your kids to see your blood and guts everywhere? I don't know how people do it to their family, never the less the emergency workers. Like we enjoy listening to your son scream your name or your sister beg for you to live. When the only thing they can tell you is 'oh my ... there's so much blood'. Somebody has to take a report, take pictures and clean it up. I've had calls where people have blown their brains out and their spouse could not physically leave them, just whispering 'please don't be dead, please don't leave me'. They had to be moved by members on scene just for them to come back to reality. I don't know, I'm not promoting suicide but at least think of your family too.

On a less depressing note, I found a neighbor of mine wondering the hallways looking for boxes to put her stuffed bears in. She's not completely all there but she's 80 something and harmless. She's the funny crazy not the dangerous kind. I brought her into my apartment because I had boxes and she spent the entire time patting Lee on his head singing, 'what's new, pussycat, whoa whoa.'

Oh I made this video from a game I play called Sims and added it to the blog. I'll admit ... sheepishly, regrettably ... I am addicted to the stupid thing. I loves it! I can play it for hours. I can play it if my whole apartment is on fire! I made it because a coworkers husband is a firefighter and I wanted to show her the firefighter stuff in the game. I put music to it because for some reason the sound cut out. It's sum 41 and it's old. I know. I'm sorry. By the time I hear a song and go 'hey I like that' it's a few years old. I don't listen to the radio, I don't have tv. I live under a rock. And I like my rock.

More plans for the summer too. My treatment is going well and hopefully I'll be fully if not almost healed by then. I've been told it'll take about a year. Feel like 85% better. I want to start running again in the summer. Stoked. I always enjoyed running though I was never so good in the distance part. I ran a bit through high school, mostly just with my dog around my block and a bit in Junior High. I was sick for some of those years too. Damn crohns got me when I was 14. Even in elementary my favourite thing in gym was to run! We used to have to run all around the edge of the gym, sometimes we'd skip (hated that) sometimes we'd have to do other things. My favourite thing was to run! It was fun. I'd pretend the people behind me were chasing me. I don't know why I remember ... maybe cause it was only ... 15 years ago. Ahh grade 3. Sooo off topic. I am looking at getting Vibram FiveFingers, but I have big feet so I don't know if I can get them in my size.

Anyway it's late, I'm exhausted. Going to crash under my rock.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Socks,Fulltime and 911

Where are all my socks? Question of the day and one I have so many times. I have tons of socks but I can never find them. Whenever I do laundry I know I have to go hunting for them. They wind up in the strangest of places, behind the toilet, under the hutch, under the couch, in corners and one was even still in my sneaker. Between my cat and I, they go all over the place. I personally hate socks, I do. I hate them and sneakers and all kinds of footwear. When I come home they both come off, and I kick them somewhere. Sometimes they stay where they land, other times my cat will take them, play with it and then hide it for safe keeping.

I'm officially full time now, woo, essentially all that is required of me is to work 3 more hours per shift and I can be ordered in to work. Meh, between all the overtime and volun-told, it's not a big switch. What will be a bonus is now I am paying into the pension, get extra money on overtime, get paid vacations (2 sets of 12 to start) and the big end of year check. WOO, the money has me sold. The biggest thing will mean me changing my Squad (going from 1 to 3), which is a bit sad but it's probably for the best. Most people on my Squad are good there has just been a few that have really pulled down the morale of the group so I'm kinda glad to be leaving them, just not my friends. Dispatcher Grumpy even said he would miss me, and sent me an email to that affect. Going to miss Grumps too ... all the new curse words I learned from him, him walking behind my chair and messing up my hair, and how he'd always get me a cookie on one of the night shifts. :( Also the retired FireChief, will miss him too. He's a funny old guy, doesn't have a 100% grasp on the the calltaking thing but man if you have a fire question he is all over that. He was also a good reference for my book when and where I wanted to burn/blow up things. Essentially I just had to tell him what I'd want to accomplish and he'd work out a way for me to do it. Like Sterno is now in the toolbox of my assassin (Book character).

My last night shift was my second 12 hour night but the first on that watch, (i mostly did OT on days). Near the end of shift and officer called up.
Officer CB: So ... you survived the night.
Me: Who have you been talking to?
Officer CB: Have my sources ... so you're still awake.
Me: Not unless this is a dream ... and if it's a dream I'd like a hot firefighter please.
Officer CB: Firefighter eh?
Me: Yeah I got to start using my calender I got.
Officer CB: They have calenders?
Me: Yeah ... nice ones. Hot stuff.
Officer CB: They are fire fighters ... they're supposed to be hot.
Me: Never knew you swung that way.
Officer CB: What! No! No! I mean ... no! no! They around fire you know ... hot!
Me: Uh huh ... sure. You call to speak to your dispatcher or something. (figure I'd bail him out)
Officer CB: ...actually I just called to harass you.
Me: Oh really? I think I won.
Officer CB: This time gadget.

Me: 911. What is your emergency?
Old man: Is the power out?
Me: Excuse me?
Old man: Is the power out?
Me: You called 911 for this?
Old man: I have a lot of food in the freezer ... it's an emergency if I lose that?
Me: Flick your light.
Old man: You mean the light switch?
I actually had to go back and play the tap here because you can hear me chuckle under my breath, and not a 'ha ha you're funny' chuckle but an 'oh my god you idiot' chuckle.
Me: Uh, yeah
Old man: I'm still in the dark.
Me: Oh yeah. I figured that. (Catches sarcastic remark has escaped, trys to smooth that over) So that means the power is out.
Old man: That's not good. What about the food in my freezer?
Me: It should stay frozen for a bit, but really Sir, not my concern. This is 911 and we cannot tie up and emergency line for unfreezing food. Sorry we just can't and if you call here again for this very reason I am so going to send an officer to your house and issue you a ticket for misusing 911. Do you understand? (Might seem harsh but he had already called once, warned, and it was almost four in the morning).
Old man: Yes.
Me: Good, confirming your phone number is (secret phone number).
Old man: Yes.
Me: Alright. Good night. And remember don't call 911 for this reason.
Old man could be heard muttering as he hung up the phone. Old man: My poor butterball.
I'm really hoping he was talking about a turkey.

Me: 911 what is your Emergency?
Crazy Girl: Can you send back the officer please?
Me: Which one?
Crazy Girl: The really cute one please.
Me: Well that narrows it down. (can you tell I'm getting tired?)
Crazy Girl: He had nice blue eyes, black hair, cute nose and a really nice butt. He checked my soup for poison and it's clear. He's such a nice man. I just need him to check my water please. I am thirsty. Really thirsty.
Me: Ohhh okkkayyy. What address did we attend to so I can find the call?
Crazy Girl: I can't tell you ... they might overhear and well then the ships sunk now isn't it.

It didn't really get any better from there. I did find the officer and he gave her a call instead. Smoothed things over and she went to bed. He called me later and I gave him her description of him. I never knew you could hear someone blush over the phone.