The 'special' child

Okay so last night I stayed at my dad's house which is pretty cool cause its the one I grew up in. Now my nanna lives there as well as she has dementia and can't live on her own. I help out with her as well, as sometimes she gets stuck on the toliet and where my mom doesn't live there anymore, it's awkward for my dad (his mom). I don't mind, I help her around and make sure she get's supper and if she has an accident in the night I take care of it. I always thought that would bother me but when it's someone you love you just don't.

Anyways point to my story is that I was checking in on her today and I found her slumped over in her chair, mouth open and eyes slightly parted. I start freaking out in my head cause she's really due anytime now. I've got tears now on the inside so much I probably could have swam there. Anyway I do what I think I should, you know go up to her, say Nanna? She's either partially deaf or selective hearing, we never figured out which (I'm told I'm a lot like her so I figure selective hearing). Nothing. I can't see her breathing. Now my inside tears are making it hard to breathe and I gotta pee. Give her a little shake and she moves. Okay that pretty much scares me but she opens her eyes fully and looks at me. She says hello and I can tell she's wondering why I'm so close to her looking like I'm going to piss on the floor. I told her what I thought and she smiled ever so sweetly saying. "You're the special child aren't you." Frig you nanna! Had a good laugh once I went to the bathroom. Called my dad and he laughed. Apparently that is how she naps, looking dead, great. Well I could have been warned!

I got my date to go back! (Ramble warning)

Ever feel like you've been worrying about something for so long and then you bite the bullet only to find out it wasn't that bad? Story of my life, except fate likes to throw in a few occasions where it was worse then what you originally thought, so you just never know. I've been on medical leave for a few cycles and had felt pretty safe with my position at work, until a few members of my family were saying they hoped I had a job to go back to after being off for so long. At first I dismissed them, I knew my supers were in the loop and could tell I just wasn't taking vacation in the sun. Hell vacation in the sun would be nice but where I really can't walk that much so I think I'll skip the running on the beach for now. I've spent most of my days off sitting in a chair, maybe up a half a dozen times in a day to get something then go right back to my chair. Well I've been waiting for over a week for my doctor to get back to me, to make an appointment for my injections. When she never called I started to call her but there voice machine stated she was out of the office. It was like this for a week! A week and I'm starting to panic because I do need to go back to work but I can't until I get at least 1 shot and can actually walk without pain again. I find that doctors are very hard to get information out of and to get help from however every nurse I talk to is the exact opposite. (No I am not sucking up to you Jacks!) Getting frustrated and now worried about my job myself, I call my drug coordinator and the lovely lady got me an appointment set up. So now I have a shot scheduled for next Tuesday. It's funny cause it's been taking me so long to get something when I was going through my doctor and they had already billed my insurance company for over 5 000$ (that’s 1 shot btw I need about 8 at least!)

At this point I am letting out a sigh, at least that part is done. So checking my work calendar that appointment puts me smack in the middle of my next cycle, not going to work. I don't know about any of you, but my fear of needles is so bad I'm honestly no use to anybody for a day or so afterwards. So looking at my calendar looks like I'll be going back to work on August 10, woot! I miss my job, I miss the craziness and I miss my officers and co-workers. There was only one thing left to do, I had to call my supervisor and let him know. All this time I am worried cause I know what family has said about having a job to come back to and I know my manager is scary when she's happy. Calling my super up I realized I had nothing to worry about when he said "Are you sure you don't need more time hun?"

Okay, I remember why I liked him and why I had no fear of losing my job at the first of my med leave. I assure him I should be fine to come back by then and that I did miss the place. He said he missed all my questions and weird calls that apparently only I seem to attract. He also said as August 10th approached if I didn't feel up to it, to let him know and he'd take care of it. So now the date is all set for me, and I know what to expect. I feel better knowing my work understands as he ended the call by saying. "We miss you and want you back, but don't come back till your ready, hun." *Sigh* It's official, I am the youngest at my center ever, the child of the group, the little sister of the entire police force. I've accepted it. Their my second family what can I say.

I used to walk home at night at 0300 ( I have no car) and I wouldn't be out for more than 10 mins before either my Sergeant or an officer would come up slowly behind me ... sneak up and flash their lights and blare the sirens. Dirty rotten bastards, scare the living shit right out of me. They'd give me a ride home after that. My sergeant though, he'd give me a free lecture the entire way, the dangers of walking home. All I can say is, Yes Sarg, yes sarg, never again Sarg, yes I understand ... what was the question?" At which point he'd yell at me to get out then watch me as I walked inside my apartment building. I liked it when, I shall call him Officer tattoo cause he has so freaking many, would pick me up and drive me home. He would always say 'Wanna do it?'. To some that may sound sexual but it's not, remember I'm the kid sister here. I would giggle and press the siren button then laugh. I'll admit I'm a complete child when it comes to that. I love the lights and sirens and Officer tattoo knows it! I miss my coworkers the way they'd tease me, throw chocolate eggs at me, the way I'd use dispatcher grumpy's head like a crystal ball. Some people communicate through teasing, he's one of them. He teases you, he likes you. You tease him back and you’re Kin. So I've rambled enough here. I miss all of them but I'm coming back guys, August 10th people. Crazy Town you've been warned. The Harlequin is on her way!

"911, you're on your own!"

I had to go to my locker at work the other day, brother was kind enough to drive me. And I don't know who all either works at 911 or at least knows what the dispatch floor is like, but when I walked past the hall it was quiet. The evil q word. I stood there, listening, thinking they're all dead. They killed each other. I've worked on this watch (squad) before, I knew what they were like. Cautiously I walked up the hall that would lead me in, still can't see the main floor yet. Still quiet, not a frigging sound. In my head I'm thinking and joking in my typical fashion ... hmm call 911? I go in and there is no one. Well my mouth drops, I'm looking around, saying 'oh .... shit.' a few times under my breath. Little confused as to why 911 is empty, I start remembering the horror stories of our veteran dispatchers. There was this one at their old center when they had to work with blue vapor like in the air and a bunch of them were on long term disability afterwards. Remembering this I immediately start looking around for any haze, blue or otherwise. No haze, no smoke, no dispatchers. I hear a bit of radio talk, so I race over to the Fire pod, empty though. Great, I just ran, (which feels like someone is stabbing me due to the medical leave) and there is no one there. I check all the manager’s office but they're gone. Typical. They'd be the first ones out. More than a little confused I hear a woman gasp my name. I 'twitch' and turn around to see one of our dispatchers, hand over heart, looking at me. She had just turned the same hallway I had come up and ran almost literately into me. She wasn't expecting anyone in here, I was expecting the reverse. Turns out they were giving the joint a good cleaning and dayshift had been at the backup center. The night shift would be logging on soon and would come to the regular centre.

Whew, at least I didn't have to worry about blue haze or any other kind of Hazmat. Also didn't have to be the one and only single Dispatcher for 911/Police/Fire/Alarm/Non-Emergency Police & Fire for the entire county. I could only imagine the pre-recorded message for this kind of scenerio. "911, you're on your own! Fend for yourself! No we will not raise your children, I don't care who you know and Yes I like my job ... asshole!"

Can apparently do my job in my sleep

Woke up to a strange phone call, well twice, but I'll get to that. It's about nine thirty on a day that I finally got to sleep in, due to damn construction taking a day off. It was a friend of mine accusing me of freaking him out earlier and that it was a mean joke. Little ole me? I'd take credit for it but I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. Was it old age slipping up on me already? Apparently he had been drunk the night before, (still sounded drunk or should have been passed out) and he decided he was going to call me up for a chat at three thirty this morning. Never a good idea cause a phone call late at night, rarely brings good news. I don't remember the call but later checking my phone, I did see that he did at three thirty two. Anyways apparently I answered the phone as "911 what is your emergency." I don't even remember but that is what you get when you wake me up that early. Apparently it freaked him right out because he thought he dialed 911 and I was getting aggravated when he wouldn't answer my questions. He kept insisting he didn't mean to dial 911 and I kept trying to confirm his phone number at one point he tells me, I threatened to have his cell phone traced and I'd send an officer to his house to make sure everything was okay. So my drunk buddy is now very freaked out and tells me his phone number and his civic address swearing up and down that there is no emergency and that he was very sorry, 'miss police officer'. Though I'm not an officer. Apparently satisfied with all of this I let him go with a warning about dialing 911 accidentally and seemingly go back to sleep. I laughed about this in the morning, however he did not find it funny. It shows how deeply embedded the scripts and mechanics can run, so now I'm convinced that yes, I could do my job in my sleep!

Damned if I do, damned if I don't

Is it just me or are people pretty inconsistant. For the last year or so my parents have been bugging and pestering me to get a vehicle, that I need one to be 'fully' independant. Okay, yeah, like buses don't exist. ANYways, I find a vehcile that I like, is affordable and something I'm used to and both of them don't think it's a good idea. Had to give me a head a shake, like I had just hullicenated for a second. They don't think I'm in a financal spot right now to go out and buy car that really is not that expensive, yet they've been harpen on me as little as a week ago to go get one. Parents are so hard to read, and the complain about us! My credit is great, my rep at the bank was talking about morgatges for a house, and they don't think I can get a loan for $6000? I almost want to go out and buy it just to spite them, but I know that's not the smart thing to do. Just wish we could be on the same page sometimes. I probably won't get it, simply because it's just not worth the fight about it and there'll be other cars. At least I'll be able to come back with something the next time they come down on me to get a car. "I tried!"

This world of ours is a circus

So I've finally come aboard the Blogger wave, see how long I can surf this thing for. Don't know what I'm going to talk about on these things but here we go. Ever see a doctor who, not only made you uncomfortable, you wondered how the hell they passed university? Well not only did I get a lecture on politics, but every single 'bad' joke he made was about them. When was my queue to laugh, or better yet, leave. This doctor was a nerologist or something I had to go see because I got these stupid twitches and shakes then I am still believing is stress related. But apparently it could also be my calcium and magnisum levels, which are fine by the way. He did say slight possibilty of stress but that it wasn't any nero problems. Phfft, good enough for me, now my regular special doctor can give me a pass and let me have my damn remicade. Hopefully this will be the final hurdle before I can start getting my injections. It's funny I hate needles yet I'm working so hard to get them. I hope once my treatment starts I will be able to walk over 10 mins without pain or not have the fear of bleeding out in my sleep. I can't wait tilll I can say goodbye to doctors, nurses, hospitals and the whole damn mess and get on with my life. They always say there is more to life then the disease, which I agree but it would be far easier to believe it, if I didn't see them all the damn time. Oh and by my previous statement, I still like my nurse friend, Jackie. Yes, I will see her. The rest of her kind, stay away! I'm alergic!