Phobia 1 Kat 0

I have to get a 2 hr infusion every 2 months, which really isn't bad when it enables me to be pain free and have the ability to walk. The only thing is my phobia can't seem to get a grip of that. I have this major fear of needles that you would think would go away with 50+ easily last year. Nope, worse then ever. It's not even that 2-3 second prick, it's the entire thing. About a week before it's time I have trouble sleeping, frequent nightmares and progressively stopping eating until the day of I've not eaten at all. I force myself to be well hydrated, 4 litres the day before, 2 the day of. Slight glitch this time around, the last time I was in the hospital they killed my good vein. I mean it's dead. Not coming back. It's time of death is etched out on my knuckle, alongside RIP, you will be missed.

This morning I see that every vein in my hands read the memo the body sent out, beginning last week. They know it's coming and promptly buried themselves so that no one can get them and hopes that the prick can't find them. I start to freak out slightly, I say slightly because outside I calm however inside I am waiving my arms, running in circles, screaming and doing the hokey pokey. I get the idea to put gloves on, will keep it warm. So I go first to put on my emla cream. I've been used to the patches and this is my first time with cream. I dump a whole crap load on, and spread it evenly, then put on the little clear bandage wrap thingy I got from the hospital. It's stays but I become worried it might fall off so I put scotch tape all around it. Feeling good. Then I wonder if they might want to use the other hand, I wouldn't have time to prep it as the Emla takes an hour. So I do the second hand too but I run out of scotch tape ... I found packaging tape and wrapped my hand. Now my hand won't open, oh well, still got one good hand. Both hands have gloves on them, cool ... but what if the veins wont come up? What if this wasn't warm enough? I text Jacks ... 'help me!!!!!!!!!!! code red! veins have gone awol!' Her suggestion was a magic bag to warm them up but I dont's have one. They might have had one at the clinic but would they want to wait to heat my hands up? But, but, I have rice!

I go to the cupboard ... no rice. Ah! Text my dad, do you have rice? Do you have a magic bag?
He wasn't in Crazy Town today ... dammmmmnnn. Okay ... corn nibblets in a baggy ... yeah. Fill two baggies full of corn and tossed them in the microwave. Heat them up and stick them on the back of my hands. Feeling proud of myself a moment ... then I realize, how am I going to keep these on? I was just about out of packing tape too .... Mittens! I go and grab mittens and put them over top, so now they are holding the corn baggies on.

Call a cab, very hard by the way, I don't recommend it with this handwear. I go to Subway first to see my BroBro as it is right next to where I have to get my infusion. I get a sandwich and drink , then I realize .... I can't open my fresca! :( Good BroBro, he opens it for me, my hands are like pincers. Sandwich also hard to eat but manageable. My bro reheats my corn in his microwave and I stuff them back in my mitts.

I walk into the clinic and sit in the big comfy chair, the nurse at first was happy and said, 'you wearing mittens? It's plus degrees out there?" I explained the contents of my mittens and she shakes her head. "Why scotch tape and packing tape?

"I couldn't find the duct tape."

"I take it you have a slight phobia of needles?"

"Slight ... I keep having to remind myself I'm not going to die."

"You look so calm."

"It's a gift. Calm on the outside, freaking out in chaos on the inside." It's amazing, I can handle robberies, suicides, homicides, seen dead bodies splattered about or decomposing but a little needle, nope, no go. Once she unpackaged me she pricked the needle in, my veins were up!!!!!!! And I was on my way.

P.S. I thought I kicked the phobias ass, alas it was not to be. Needle was taken out and there was a heat blister on my hand and both were numb for hours. I bend my hands back at the wrist, going towards me, and it felt like I had beanbags on the back. Oh and they were swollen, and I had these imprints from the tape ... and a heck of a bruise. My mom said afterwards, at least you didn't pass out again. I fail to see how that is a plus ... last time I passed out when I woke up the IV was in and it was all done. I figured that was pretty easy and painless for both of us. Okay ... phobia 1, Kat 0.