Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Socks,Fulltime and 911

Where are all my socks? Question of the day and one I have so many times. I have tons of socks but I can never find them. Whenever I do laundry I know I have to go hunting for them. They wind up in the strangest of places, behind the toilet, under the hutch, under the couch, in corners and one was even still in my sneaker. Between my cat and I, they go all over the place. I personally hate socks, I do. I hate them and sneakers and all kinds of footwear. When I come home they both come off, and I kick them somewhere. Sometimes they stay where they land, other times my cat will take them, play with it and then hide it for safe keeping.

I'm officially full time now, woo, essentially all that is required of me is to work 3 more hours per shift and I can be ordered in to work. Meh, between all the overtime and volun-told, it's not a big switch. What will be a bonus is now I am paying into the pension, get extra money on overtime, get paid vacations (2 sets of 12 to start) and the big end of year check. WOO, the money has me sold. The biggest thing will mean me changing my Squad (going from 1 to 3), which is a bit sad but it's probably for the best. Most people on my Squad are good there has just been a few that have really pulled down the morale of the group so I'm kinda glad to be leaving them, just not my friends. Dispatcher Grumpy even said he would miss me, and sent me an email to that affect. Going to miss Grumps too ... all the new curse words I learned from him, him walking behind my chair and messing up my hair, and how he'd always get me a cookie on one of the night shifts. :( Also the retired FireChief, will miss him too. He's a funny old guy, doesn't have a 100% grasp on the the calltaking thing but man if you have a fire question he is all over that. He was also a good reference for my book when and where I wanted to burn/blow up things. Essentially I just had to tell him what I'd want to accomplish and he'd work out a way for me to do it. Like Sterno is now in the toolbox of my assassin (Book character).

My last night shift was my second 12 hour night but the first on that watch, (i mostly did OT on days). Near the end of shift and officer called up.
Officer CB: So ... you survived the night.
Me: Who have you been talking to?
Officer CB: Have my sources ... so you're still awake.
Me: Not unless this is a dream ... and if it's a dream I'd like a hot firefighter please.
Officer CB: Firefighter eh?
Me: Yeah I got to start using my calender I got.
Officer CB: They have calenders?
Me: Yeah ... nice ones. Hot stuff.
Officer CB: They are fire fighters ... they're supposed to be hot.
Me: Never knew you swung that way.
Officer CB: What! No! No! I mean ... no! no! They around fire you know ... hot!
Me: Uh huh ... sure. You call to speak to your dispatcher or something. (figure I'd bail him out)
Officer CB: ...actually I just called to harass you.
Me: Oh really? I think I won.
Officer CB: This time gadget.

Me: 911. What is your emergency?
Old man: Is the power out?
Me: Excuse me?
Old man: Is the power out?
Me: You called 911 for this?
Old man: I have a lot of food in the freezer ... it's an emergency if I lose that?
Me: Flick your light.
Old man: You mean the light switch?
I actually had to go back and play the tap here because you can hear me chuckle under my breath, and not a 'ha ha you're funny' chuckle but an 'oh my god you idiot' chuckle.
Me: Uh, yeah
Old man: I'm still in the dark.
Me: Oh yeah. I figured that. (Catches sarcastic remark has escaped, trys to smooth that over) So that means the power is out.
Old man: That's not good. What about the food in my freezer?
Me: It should stay frozen for a bit, but really Sir, not my concern. This is 911 and we cannot tie up and emergency line for unfreezing food. Sorry we just can't and if you call here again for this very reason I am so going to send an officer to your house and issue you a ticket for misusing 911. Do you understand? (Might seem harsh but he had already called once, warned, and it was almost four in the morning).
Old man: Yes.
Me: Good, confirming your phone number is (secret phone number).
Old man: Yes.
Me: Alright. Good night. And remember don't call 911 for this reason.
Old man could be heard muttering as he hung up the phone. Old man: My poor butterball.
I'm really hoping he was talking about a turkey.

Me: 911 what is your Emergency?
Crazy Girl: Can you send back the officer please?
Me: Which one?
Crazy Girl: The really cute one please.
Me: Well that narrows it down. (can you tell I'm getting tired?)
Crazy Girl: He had nice blue eyes, black hair, cute nose and a really nice butt. He checked my soup for poison and it's clear. He's such a nice man. I just need him to check my water please. I am thirsty. Really thirsty.
Me: Ohhh okkkayyy. What address did we attend to so I can find the call?
Crazy Girl: I can't tell you ... they might overhear and well then the ships sunk now isn't it.

It didn't really get any better from there. I did find the officer and he gave her a call instead. Smoothed things over and she went to bed. He called me later and I gave him her description of him. I never knew you could hear someone blush over the phone.


  1. People can be down right CRAZY!

  2. Congrats on getting full-time!! Yeah the extra money around christmas is awesome..

    Too bad you didn't swtich to 2, we have a pretty good shift, on patrol and upstairs.. So don't send me on any late calls on my dayshifts ;)

  3. I know eh, Lauren. Thanks Kenny but I am so going to give you a mvif or robi at say I dunno 1800? Wouldn't that be fun? Ha Ha, I sit down at 17:40 and I'm a shit magnet.